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November 2009 
What is happiness?
Posted on Jun 30th, 2008
by 
boogie
boogie
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for June 30, 2008:
happiness is a lie. it is one-half of a false distinction, happy/sad, used to make people feel inadequate about themselves. it's an excuse, an oversimplification of very complex feelings. "happy" is a word used with the intention of preventing people from really being able to express how they feel. tell me you are happy, it doesn't mean a thing. tell me that you are warm, well-fed, and sexually-satisfied, that means a lot more. try to find more expressive words to use. let's put an end to the dumbing down of society for the sake of making us easier to rule!! are you really happy? does that say enough about what you are feeling? does it say anything at all? so spit it out, give some bigger words a try. you might like it. ;-)
Access: Public
I think well fed and sexually satisfied may or may not equate with happiness, someone may be eating well as a substitute for love. and happiness.we may experience transient sexual satisfaction and still feel lacking in other departments Yes there are degrees of happiness, and it can be misused as the word love can, but they are useful words and can be qualified, as in blissfully happy, unrequieted love or unconditional love. Lies don't make themselves, and words don't make lies, we do.
there it is right there! how the word “happy” is used to make people feel bad. “substitute for love” - how can you define what someone else is feeling? and why is it that there will always be those people who like to point out “you aren't really happy” - this is what i'm talking about! (not to mention the problem with talking about subjective feelings using objective language, but i'll save that for later)
we've been indoctrinated into the belief that we should be happy. that happy is preferable over sad. that there is something wrong with us if we are not happy all the time. what i'm saying is there is no real distinction, it is a false divide, used to manipulate and control people, through fear and self-doubt. they tell us we are bad people if we aren't happy. nobody feels happy all the time, unless they are on thorazine or something. it's just not natural. and if you were happy all the time, it wouldn't mean anything anymore would it? it would become the norm, so where's the high?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6m1HT9PvCjE
I didn't answer this Q&R today bc it is so freaking subjective…so relative in fact that i'm not even sure any given day I would have the same answer….subjective and relative.
I hear what you are saying Stacy,society does seem to place a huge emphasis on happiness,as though it were the prize so to speak and if you are not “happy” you lose.
I don't consider myself a “happy” person,that said I do however have moments of bliss…but like a never ending orgasm it would become numbing after awhile,just to experience bliss,or agony.
I'm back for an edit,sometimes after amazing sex I actually feel sad,not sure why that is,just is…..oh yeah let's not call it happiness let's call it Bertha,as in “God i'm feeling really Bertha today” ;-)..like vanilla and authentic,happiness becomes one of those words that prickle,unlike bertha,which is just funny ;-)
thanks BB! happy is one of those words that is used to describe so many different feelings that it completely loses any meaning of its own. like the word “love” or “god” - those words are oversimplifications, they don't mean a thing anymore without those qualifications that Zephyr mentioned.
so maybe “happy” equates with “i feel good.” that covers so much ground, though, doesn't it? and is dependent upon an opposite “feel bad” to define what it is. so where is the line drawn that divides happy from sad, good from bad, light from dark, day from night, etc ad infinitum? what if there is no line at all? truth lies in the shades of gray in-between the extremes, in the balance.
Truth has always been moments for me. There are no restrictions on moments no prerequsites,no expectations.
The thing is it cannot be forced,at least not for me. Life is certainly heightened if i permit myself to feel all of it,instead of covering up and trying to suppress the natural flow of emotions and moments.
I don' t feel pressure to be happy,just functional,as with all things stuff morphs into other moments.
i agree that happiness is a word used much too often. i am only truely happy when my crush aknoweledges me. although i am hardly ever happy anyway because my now x-bff then bff is going out with the crush i've had for almost 4 years now! and she knew it! i cried for hours on end until my other bff (i had 3 at the time) showed up at the party i was at, when my x-bff confessed. she was the only one that could get me back to my old self and to this day, we both consider each other our best friends because we know how to cheer each other up, and we both know that making someone laugh when they're sad isnt enough, so go ahead people, get to truely understand why you love someone why you best friend is your best friend EVERYONE has a reason, you just have to find yours
I'm so “happy” that you're back;-)
Happiness isn't a “thing”; it's a quality and as such, a temporary condition. It comes and goes as do other conditions. The problem is when we attach to it and try to pin it down, or go on the holy grail quest.
Yes, the descriptive words tell the story so much better…
Julia, it sounds to me (and please forgive me for i know nothing about you nor your situation) that perhaps the real problem is that you think your crush is only allowed one love at a time? why can't he love her and you, both of you? why not other girls, too? do you feel that you own him? you love(d) your ex-best-friend, but don't anymore because she also loves this other person whom you also love? do you see where i'm going with this? love is not obedient. love does not stick to other people's rules. it can't be fenced in and constrained. you either feel it or you don't, and that's really all there is to it. no rules. no expectations. no conditions. no exceptions. no deposit, no return.
humans do not mate for life. this is a lie. contractural marriage, as sanctified by the church and state, is designed, much like the dominant language in our society, to make us feel inadequate, that we aren't good enough, that we are bad and that we need their rules to tell us what to do because we can't possibly follow what is in our rotten hearts. If we were eagles, we would simply stay with our first partner forever. but that's not the case with people. humans get a choice in mates. and you know what? there's plenty enough love to go around. i love my kids more than i could ever express using objective language. when my second child was born, i did not love my eldest daughter any less!!
can you ikmagine mating for life..you must get sore reaal fast,or die like those bunnies who mate for 24 hrs,about as much as i can take in one session i believe.
I beg to differ though,I do think some people actual mate for life willingly and with amazing results.
i also think that i have stayed in relationships too long.
It is an option for everyone. Open relationships,closed relationships,loving,scary,violent,sexual,co dependant,really it's a choice,and sometimes a very hard choice.
Maybe some of us are eagles,other parrots,sparrows,seagulls,turkeys,dodos,penguins,there are so many ways,so many people.
it's all about being free to make our own decisions for ourselves, not following other people's expectations and rules. ;-) only you know what is in your heart. nobody else can tell you what you are feeling, but so many people try so hard to tell us what we should be feeling, don't they?
Maybe it's all these years of listening to music on my headphones but I rarely hear em anymore ;-)..and for the moments when the chatter breaks through i just turn up the volume
I hope you have and will continue to experience happiness as defined below:
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - Share This hap·pi·ness Audio Help /ˈhæpinɪs/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[hap-ee-nis] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation -noun
1.the quality or state of being happy.
2.good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.
Hi George! how ya doin?
alrighty then, a new direction…
#1 is a non-definition, circular fallacy in logic, definition of happiness depends on definition of happy
so let's tackle #2:
good fortune: i got no money, but i do feel very fortunate in so many ways. so check that one off the list. good.
pleasure: yeah, i gots lots of that in my life ;-)
contentment: not all the time, hmm.. something to work on i suppose
joy: here's the nitty gritty, as far as i'm concerned. Joy, as well as those other things in this list, for me, comes from the freedom to make my own decisions. i am not happy, by any definition of the word, when i feel as though someone else wants to make certain decisions for me that go against whatever it is my heart is telling me is right. happiness for me lies in freedom, when other people show respect for my autonomy. when i am not forbidden to look within my own heart for my own answers by authorities who think they know better than i do what i should do, how i should act, what i should be feeling, or thinking, or what i should believe is true.
Happiness is a general emotion that can be equated to a BAZILLION (how do you like that word?) other emotions… and it's completely fantastic to hear people use other words to describe their emotions. But it doesn't make sense to say that you aren't happy BECAUSE you have a better way of putting it. I just think there are more important things to spend your time with than coming up with ways to describe the joyousness or fulfillment in your life. However, that's my opinion and I don't mean to put anyone else's down.
Read this:
http://www.nrdc.org/globalwarming/qthinice.asp
you have a very good point boogie. but part of the reason, i have to confess that im not friends with her anymore is because she stopped hanging out with us (us being her old friends) she started being more rude to us not returning our phone calls and starting lying to us. i invited her to my 11th birthday party, and she didnt respond until friday (the day of the sleepover) at school, she said i cant go, i have a softball game in the morning i said ok thats alright. at the party we went on aim and her away message was “sleeping over jesse's (her new bff) then shopping then no plans, call!” i know you will have something good to say about this, so please respond
and i do think he likes both if us, just that shes a cheerleader, hes a football player, im not……. ive got to go….. please respond
((((hugs)))) Julia. i am *so* not the person to give any advice regarding the highschool social scene. you most likely do not want to do the things i did when i was young! listen to your heart, always, rather than what anyone else says. i did not realize there were other options besides obey or disobey. i was not told that anything was my choice to make, i was only told “do this” or more often, “don't do that!” so rather than obey rules that made no sense, i broke them all without first checking to see what my conscience had to say about it.
i want to listen to my heart, but if i do i might hurt my crush………… im just so confused
and im in middle school………..
one more question though, and i know you wont want to answer this for me, but, do you think i should try and re-build my relationship with my x-bff??? i was at a party with her and her new friends the other day and luckily my current bff was there but no one else talked to me other than my bff, emily, and caitlin, the host……… it was wierd……. and you dont even have to answer these, i just need some one to listen to what im saying
I dig what you said about happiness for you being freedom to make yr own decisions–to be free to choose to listen to your heart. Listen to yr heart telling you that you are ALWAYS free to choose happiness (or not …one is not better than another, we are just free to choose our preferrence in any given moment :-D )
Ever hear yr heart whispering that you never ever need respect from others when you yourself are respecting that voice within your heart ? Our autonomy IS that voice within which always speaks truth ! We can make that choice to listen inside instead of outside if we stay in the now (the only time that choice can be made) & not allow this moment's choice to become influenced or comprimised by what others demand (-ed) in the past or the future.
Such a state of freedom to me is true happiness (just like “unconditional-” solved that overused manipulatory “love-word” conflict for me) & I've noticed that this is a natural state where I no longer need to “turn up the volume” (tnx BB) to shut out non-happy surroundings–when I radiate contentment, they just go away & bother someone else…
Have a humdingin' Bertha Day !
(maybe Bertha can devise some flashy new icon too so we can finally be released from the plague of the smilies ?) ==*/*==
Thanks Victoria!! you are just the person i was hoping would reply!! :-)
<3
Julia, sending you email, might be easier to talk a bit less public?
he-he … & yr just the person I was hoping woud return ;-D
Awwwwww shit, is that Stacy? You're back!!! Thank God, it was terrible, they tried to drug me with soma and dress me up in a purple care bear suit… The horror…
a purple care bear suit?? OMG! do tell…
do i get to be the anarchy bear? big sharp claws and long fangs dripping with blood? Ooooh, can I? huh? can I? pleeeeeze?
Ahhh, that's my girl :-D
I didn't answer this Q&R either…I feel silly, like a kindergartener, “If you're happy and you know it clap your hands…” Bleaahhhh :-D
Or Happy was one of the 7 dwarves but was just as 'Duh' as Dopey :-D I think he was smokin somethin :-D
And if you say the word Happy about 30 times, it sounds like you're saying you have to pee
Aww, see…that's why I didn't answer it, LMAO.
a purple care bear suit?? OMG! do tell…
Let's not go there, and say we did… They kept saying: “A gram is better than a damn…”
do i get to be the anarchy bear? big sharp claws and long fangs dripping with blood? Ooooh, can I? huh? can I? pleeeeeze?
Hell yeah! Why not? I'm a nihilist bear with sharp bloody claws and an interdimensional diet, we should join forces and resist the care bear barbarian horde!
Or Happy was one of the 7 dwarves but was just as 'Duh' as Dopey :-D I think he was smokin somethin :-D
Nah, you're thinking of Smokey…
I believe that people are mistaking happiness for some sort of feeling of a constant high of estacy where absolutely nothing bothers you and you smile all the time. When someone asks if you are happy…maybe they should ask you if you are fulfilled. When you do not allow outside circumstances, especially the opinion of others, dictate who you are and how you respond to situations, then you are fulfilled. You are on a continuous quest to develop yourself and have a control over your own inner peace while adapting to the changes of life. Of course, some changes do bring a certain amount of pain. The challenge is if you can get past it.
If the amount of money you have, how much you weigh, your career, marriage, boyfriend, friends, or any other outside force is used to suppliment for who you consider yourself to be, then you are not happy. These situations could change at any time. When you are satisfied with youself and what you have accomplished, despite opinion, then you have succceeded. You are no longer being manipulated by others.
This to me….is happiness!
Hi Christie, that was awesome. Your words pretty much express my own thoughts on the subject. Exactly right, if one identifies their self as the images, labels, and opinions of others, then they will never be fulfilled. The greater challenge is getting past the images, labels, and opinions that we form of our own individual self. If one gets past that, then they understand that they are the entire universe centered on their being. Once that is understood, the next challenge is to face the fear of the unknown. If one gets past their fear, then they are able to feel fullfilled on their continuous quest of development, of learning and becoming in the eternal now. A person with a centered being acts from a position of balance, and is more difficult to manipulate.
Stacy,
When I want a reality check on clarity, I can find it here. Since I started reading your blog, I've turned the question over and over in my mind. It is subjective. It is like a false hope that something that can't even be defined can be achieved.
At the moment, it is a warm bath in a very quiet house because everyone else is asleep. When I was 12, it was coming home on the last day of school to find the 3 speed bicycle I wanted for my birthday was waiting for me. It is always fleeting. When you have what you thought would make you happy, the happiness is only momentary, it doesn't last.
Happiness… accepting what is and being okay with it. That wouldn't agree with 99% of humanity but that's why it is subjective. You are correct that the word doesn't express much that can be understood by another person in the same manner as the one saying it.
See, as long as I've had your acquaintance, I find clarity in your response to seemingly easy ?s. Glad you're here to challenge preconceptions and misperceptions and sugar coating.
Deborah
dang Lucid, you got me here and i have to reply. there's something in me can't let this thread die out just yet… dang. dang. dang.
seeing through the illusion is a really big first step. recognizing the lies and manipulations for what they are means they have no power over you. the power in the Lie is not to deceive, but to give us an excuse to not act on what we know is right. no more excuses means taking responsibility for our own choices and actions. that is something most people i know are not quite up to doing. straight up. it's not so easy. yes, it is simple, but it is not easy in the least. what is even more difficult, for me at least, is accepting responsibility when everyone else is wanting to point fingers of blame, and invariably they are pointing at me… and the blame feeds the lie, which feeds shame, which feeds more blame, which feeds the lie….
and like everything else, it's a process. there isn't a door you can just walk through and suddenly you are there, if there is one, there's a blue million of them. you slowly get through one painful lesson after another. and sometimes you have to go back and relearn old lessons that got dusty in the back reaches of your mind.
next you mention fear. this needs a whole new blog post i think, or should we do it here? you and i share a perspective on fear that very few people seem to grasp. eh, Lucid, dear? this could be most entertaining.
what i think is missing from your list is DOUBT. because it is doubt which gives us reason to believe the lie. it is doubt which makes us afraid. all these scaredy-cats hollerin' about “you have nothing to fear but fear itself” and other such platitudes that they don't really understand… fear is what controls us, but it is doubt which makes us afraid.
for example, i suppose:
the wisdom in my heart tells me what is true. period. but often happens that the people in my life doubt the truth in what i say about the things i know are true. their doubts and fears are most contagious. it is very hard to believe something everyone else says is crazy shit. it's even harder when you have no rational explanation, no explanation, no words to describe, no proof, for why you believe what you do. so those doubts sneak in, they do. and you start questioning yourself. at least i do, and i'm not afraid to admit it. i'm human. i sure ain't perfect. it happens much less often now than before, but from time to time i get all eat up with doubt because i let the lies that other people believe influence me, and my world goes to crap for a while.
and guess what? that's alright!! it's okay to not be happy. it's okay to doubt and be afraid sometimes. it's when other people tell us how we should feel that is not okay. ;-) life sucks sometimes, and sometimes it's good. i'm not here to deny half of my experience just because some people deny half of theirs. i'm here for the experience, all of it. and i can still have fun even when life sucks, even when i am not happy, because it's all about the experience. the only times in my experience that i was not having fun was when i was afraid. (yes, we really are going to have to address fear in more detail, i do believe.)
Hi Kids,
Great thread! Mind if I throw in my two cents worth?
Happiness is a goal. It is something that we strive for day in and day out. It is an innate part of the human personality structure to seek out the things that bring us pleasure and “Value Fulfillment”.
Mor eoften than not, we get so bogged down in the human condition that we don't stop and realize when we are actually happy. There aretimes in my past where I thought I was miserable, but now in hindsight I wish I could go back to those days. I wish I knew then what I know now.
I would have to agree with Boogie that the word happy is misused. We ask the question, “Are you happy?” as if it is a state of being, a finalized and complete phase of life when in reality it is a series of moments.
The trick is to find happiness in everything that you do. Whether you are at work or at play, find a moment of joy. The more happy moments that you find will define your PERCEPTION of how happy you are.
- Mark -
hi Mark! welcome to my li'l ol' blog. yes, anyone and everyone is welcome to comment. I NEVER ever delete people's comments. especially not when i disagree with what they are saying. it pisses me off more when people blindly go along with me, agreeing with my words without putting any thought into why they should believe it or not.
so, with that as an introduction, i gotta disagree with you, buddy. (don't take it personal, i'm just like that)
happiness as a goal denies us half of the experience. for me, the experience itself is enough. all of the experience. the parts i consider to be good as well as the parts i don't much like. it's all about the experience. all of it, not just the parts i like. looking forward to some imaginary future goal denies us satisfaction in the NOW.
because, see, good and bad don't exist. good and bad are judgments we make about the experience, and not qualities inherent in anything in particular. when i say something is good, what i mean is that i judge that something to be good, that i like it, that it causes me no harm. good, in this sense, is simply a subjective judgment i make concerning my subjective experience. good and bad do not objectively exist. they exist only within that subjective, thinking part of us. we invent our own perceptions of good and bad, they function like a filing system, so that we can make sense of our experience.
Happiness as a goal rubs me the wrong way. IMHO, Happiness means to be at Peace with whatever is occurring (or not)…'good or bad' of the entire experience of life.
I have a relative who tells people happily, “I'm a miserable person” and he's at Peace with that! He's “Happy” with it! He accepts and embraces that!
So yes, purely subjective as to what brings a person happiness. And since happiness is as fleeting as trying to capture the moment of NOW, Inner Peace and Acceptance for All that Is, is key.
(just my .02) :-D
Good points Boogie,
I have to agree with you 1000 percent on good and bad being subjective, but that also takes into the realm of Dvaita / Advaita and differentiation and non-differentiation.
Ironically enought, there was this news story posted on line yesterday. Apparently there is a happiness scale and the world is getting happier. Check out the link. I think that you will get a chuckle out of it.
- Mark -
http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080630/sc_livescience/studyworldgetshappier
I think if you can accept that you are rarely happy, then you are a lot better off than if you wish you were someone else who is happy a lot of the time. That there are even moods like sad, mad, angry, joyful, annoyed, amused, frustrated, etc. means that a person can feel differently at different times. Even that is something that not all of us can say is true for us.
uhhhh…..all I get right now, after reading this entire blog….is brain fried. Altho….bad Ms. Stacy-Thang there, starting off things with “sexually satisfied, I was sure there'd be SO MUCH more comments along those lines there. As I've read thru each one of these points/opinions/personal beliefs, I really just got to the point of thinking to myself, “this is one stupid question to begin with”. But…I DO respect each & every one of y'all's (that's right, southern bo' here) inputs. My own take? It's a temporal thang, an emotion (although a rather bland descriptive word at best), &, yes, Stacy, once again, I parallel your view point with it being an experience.I personally don't view it as the opposite of “sad”. There are (I'm sure) endless other words to describe a vast array of “words” for every emotion/expression there is. I think, all in all, that it's JUST a word, & that words can NEVER fully (or even somewhat) place an appropriate description of what happens in the real, the now, the moment.
PS - christie, girl…..I feel for you, my young friend. I have a 13 year old daughter in middle school myself. It has to be extremely tough to be either of you at that point in your life. Life is SUCH the GRANDEST of gifts we've been given. PLEASE make the most of it. make your time there count, and whatever comes of it, listen to YOUR own heart above & beyond ALL others. None of us on here will EVER walk in your shoes. Only YOU shall have that. And life is about making choices, & experiencing the results of those choices. I hope I speak for us ALL when I say that we ALL hope you experience your life to it's fullest, my friend. No…words can or will describe what is to come for you. The experience itself awaits!!!
DUHHHHH!!!
4 friggin' months later…..sheeezzzz……..
my bad.
I got So into reading thru the whole blog that I failed to realize just how long it had been dormant.
('So sorry, Christie!)
happiness is a (persoanl) moment in time, no greater or “bettter” an experience than any other emotion/feeling/whatever.