it's not a contest.  i am not competitive.  this made me a freak all through school, because i wouldn't act right.  they expect you to compete against each other, instead of helping.  everything aimed at children, from religious stories, to cartoons, to tv commercials, to schoolbooks and lesson plans and grades, is all aimed at creating dissociation and competition.  because, and plato knew this when he wrote the republic (it's in there, it's all part of the plan to take over the world) you must "educate" the children to be the sort of citizens you want in your society.  our society wants competitive, jealous, fearful citizens who struggle against each other.  this struggle to rise above, to get to a higher rung on the ladder, is what supports the structure of control and abuse, the heirarchical structure of power.  it means you have to hurt others in order to "succeed."  i refuse to play that game.  it's a game that's rigged so everybody loses.  why would anyone play?  it is through fear that we are sucked into following the script prepared for us by authority.  fear is the only weapon anyone can ever use against us.  you shall be threatened with whatever it is you fear the most, in order to get you to comply.  but the decision is still yours to make.  you can choose instead of competing with others, to help them.  you can choose not to play the game that everyone loses.  we do not have to accept the lies for truth anymore.  we do not have to be afraid to make our own decisions.  we can be free.  the people have the power, it's up to us to use it or lose it.


(lyrics)

it would be a small island, or maybe a large ship, somewhere surrounded by the sea.  it would be a place for addicts to recover peacefully, without headshrinkers or religious nuts trying to make them be a certain way or fit certain expectations.  a place they could go to heal and do whatever they want.  a place with no clocks and no cellphones.  there would be lots of space for any sort of artistic pursuit: painting, music, yoga, surfing, basketball, whatever it is they might want to do with their free time.  oh and food, lots of delicious healthy food to eat!  and other people going through similar healing experiences to keep them company.

seriously, this question makes no sense to me.  i don't have a ritualized spirituality.  i don't chant mantras so as to hypnotize myself into a trance-like state that i can mistakenly think of as some sort of spiritual awareness.  my entire life is spiritual, i can't separate it out from any of the rest.  i no longer have that wall in my head that kept the spiritual world apart from mundane reality.  sorry.  i know people hate that about me, that i'm different from the rest of you all.  it wouldn't be so bad if there weren't so many trying to make me be like them.  everybody else seems to want to belong to some group or another, a group to keep out all those people who are different, the ones who don't belong.  and they think it's helping when they try to make you fit in, when they try to change who you are, because they think you would be such a better person if you weren't so different from the rest of the group...  or something like that, anyway.


assimilate or die?  i think not.  i have better things to do than choose from among the rather limited options being offered.  what if being different isn't such a horrible thing after all?  what if the group was wrong all along?  what if all groups were fundamentally wrong, flawed from the foundation all the way up?  what if it were no longer perceived as safe to be part of the herd?  what if i edit this a few dozen times and mix in a few more metaphors while i'm at it?  hahahahahahaha 

xoxoxoxox

i have the opposite problem.  if i didn't care so much, it wouldn't hurt so much...

not enya.  not kenny g.  not yanni.  that stuff will just piss me off more.  what i like to hear when i am tense and need to unwind is screaming guitars, thumping bass, pounding drums, angry vocals.  gimme ac/dc or black sabbath, something to release the overflowing emotions.  some music you can feel, deep down inside.  if it wasn't for angus young's awesome way of expressing the deepest darkest feelings i had inside, i would never have made it through puberty in one piece.  so here you go, listen to this and see if you don't feel better...

...on a pirate ship!

spirit.

yes, everything has spirit, but some spirits speak more clearly to us than others do.

what spirits are you listening to? 


found this image on the net.  it's not one of mine, though i would love to claim it.  what do you think?  should i leave it here?  is it too harsh?  will nobody get the relevance?  will they be offended, or will they find it humorous?  why should i care what y'all think, anyway?  i think it's pretty darn funny, myself.

i want war to stop.

i don't do confusion.  i really don't feel all that confused about anything.  sorry. 

so i went to the dictionary to see what it says about that word, confusion.  they said it originally meant a sense of putting to shame and later came to mean mental perplexity.  and from the medical dictionary: disturbance of consciousness characterized by inability to engage in orderly thought or by lack of power to distinguish, choose, or act decisively. 

oh well, there you have it.  i'll have none of that nonsense, thankyouverymuch.

what?  Gore-bull warming?  i doubt it even exists, other than as a very useful propaganda tool.

there was an interesting talk on the subject at the chatham house website.  (chatham house is where the globalists get together to plan the world's future for us.)  the name of the talk was "managing global insecurity"  ... that alone should tell you something.  the climate crisis (in combination with the economic crunch) was intended to be the threat to unify humanity into a one world socialist government.  seriously.  but for a one world government they need a one world religion, and your newage stuff didn't go over quite as well as planned.

so many things!  like this, my most recent submission to deviant art:

...and lots more i posted there in the last month or two, and ten times that many that i made but didn't care to share with everyone.

oh, and there's always the blog posts and other commentary i post online, i view that as creative expression, too.  and there's the kid's halloween costumes (that i haven't finished yet).  and tons of really bad poetry.  you know me, i can't stop making things.  my head might explode if i could no longer attempt to express all the thoughts and feelings going on inside it.  we can't have that now, can we? 

i can be real flexible, except when it comes to what's important to me, then i don't back down.

when?

*sigh*

i find my love
in every moment
of every day,
every dream i dream
every night,
with every tear
that falls from my eyes,
with every raindrop
that falls from the sky.
in every breath
and every sigh.



i found him again this morning, in yet another sara mclachlan video:

power equals control.  it's not a good thing.  it not only hurts whomever you seek control over, but yourself as well.  power and control is what turns fairies, the little bright spirits, into demons, the little dark ones, the same way beating a dog will turn it mean.  power is addictive too.  you repeatedly abuse yourself (in attempt at control), you become addicted to the abuse.  you start to crave more and more of it, while it kills you from the inside out, just like a drug.

and just because one video isn't enough...  here's another one:



and another:

it might rain today.  it might not.  (but it probably will.)

yeah.  i'm the luckiest person i know.

penises

it doesn't matter.  it's always the same.  when i try to take on any part in someone else's play, they always get upset with me and kick me off the stage.  i suck at adapting to what other people expect of me.  it just never works out.